Do You Like Boba Fett?

Episode 2, in a nutshell:

E.S.: I hate Anakin

Mikey: yeah

Mikey: he's a fucking douche bag

E.S.: "Life seems so much easier when you're fixing things."

Mikey: haha

Mikey: that makes no sense

E.S.: "Why'd she have to die? Why couldn't I save her? I know I could have"

E.S.: "I will be the most powerful Jedi ever. I will even learn to stop people from dying."

E.S.: WAHHHHH

E.S.: call the Wahhhh-wing

E.S.: The crY-wing

Mikey: haha

Mikey: the workhorse of the pussy-ass fleet

A Walking Stereotype

I can help you a little bit with some German, but it is probably on par with yours. I only had two years in high school, though. When I was in Austria I tried to talk to the heiress of a crystal glassware fortune, and while trying to impress her in German I think I told her that I had a limp doctor.

Actually, while you're at it, you should read this list of German stereotypes of Americans. Maybe it will shed some light on who should not be introduced to them (i.e. Myself).

I am, after all, no longer allowed in Austria after an event involving a cabin loft, an immovable mattress and a night of drinking. I also urinated on at least twenty statues in Reykjavik, so Iceland is off limits, too. You think I should tarnish some other Europeans' opinions of the good-ol' U.S. of A.?

Update

Did not ask Dakota Fanning question. I didn't want to be a total dick.

But, since this producer/super-multi-tasker grew up in Mansfield, we bonded. She told me to send her my resume if I'm interested in making movies!

Edscott, we are one step closer to making our movie.

Re: Dakota Fanning's rape movie

Slow news day.

My mom's friend from Germany is coming this week. She's coming with two daughters - both around my age. I need to entertain them, but first I must get over the language barrier. Their English is apparently minimal, and after 8 years of German, my German is also minimal at best. I'm trying to think of places they'd want to go in NYC that our moms would also like to visit. I don't want to visit Times Square, but I know they will. And my mom is all about that awful boat ride around the Statue of Liberty. I did it once in 8th grade, and I'll never do it again.

I have to interview this producer/writer today. She's from Hackettstown (next town over) and she produced the Dakota Fanning rape movie (or Hound Dog, but I prefer D. Fan's rape movie). I'm totally asking her about it. That and what she did for fun in cow country. She recently wrote this coming-of-age shore movie that wanted to be as good as Dirty Dancing and Mystic Pizza, but fell short. I should also ask her if Fanning's as creepy as she looks now that she's going through puberty.

Alanis digs chiks

Pretty long Alanis interview but important points to note: 

Ryan Reynolds = kind of a douche

She experimented with lesbianism

She went to therapy 5 x a week thanks to Ryan

So  I watched Southland Tales last night. Confusing, but that's because there's a lot to take in. I appreciated Kelly's vision - visually, it looks great. As you guys mentioned on Saturday's show (which I'll post up once it's podcasted), not really into starting with Episode 4 ala Star Wars. Everyone was pretty good in the movie especially Wallace Shawn in all that makeup. I'm really excited to read the graphic novel so I learn more.

I'm in love with Liz Phair's first cd, "Exile in Guyville."

And there was an SVU marathon on today. I sat on my couch from noon until 9. 

The Lake House is currently on, and my mom has tea waiting for me downstairs. I should go do that.

My Summer Jam

Teaser from Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog on Vimeo

This will undoubtedly be this summer's "Clark and Michael" for me.

Oh God, It's All Over

The future is upon us.

He does look like a hobbit. But not like Elijiah Wood. Just a hobbit.

I've been following Lodwickgate all morning.

Basically, he decided to quit the internetz.

To that I say "Good Riddance." I don't need College Humor. Or his awful blogging.

The other day he posted something up about how he didn't understand what was going on in China.

Jacob, all you've gotta know is that Sharon Stone says that China has bad karma. That's why they have earthquakes. And that's why she did Catwoman.

And seriously...Crocs? So reminds me of Mario Batali. Ugh.

But I do love how this spat is so high school. Makes me want to watch 90210 or Gossip Girl.

We've Gotta Get Outta Here

Somebody shit on the bathroom floor. Less than two hours after signing my life away to this brick-a-brack factory I call work, my gentle and elderly co-worker, Raghib, informed me that someone has been making open-faced turd sandwiches on tile. I don't know if this makes me want to reneg on my contract, asking for some serious hazard pay, or if it makes me feel more comfortable - knowing that if someone can defecate at will here, then I can make it anywhere. It's like the worst possible version of a Frank Sinatra song, but at least now I understand the "Rat Pack" moniker.

Wordsmithery

I can't get over how good Aretha Franklin is. She makes me feel like a real whoa-man.

I finished my Playgirl article, but it just needs to be tightened up. I could essentially just write the article about Ben's dating philosophy but alas, I don't think they'd accept that. I love that our friends are clever and smart wordsmiths.

I downloaded Liz Phair's Exile in Guyville album this morning. Moe on Jezebel raved about it, specifically the feminist lyrics. Listening to it briefly this morning, I wondered what kind of music I'd be into if I was a teenager in the early 90s. Probably Letters to Cleo, maybe Velocity Girl and the British pop/twee scene? I don't know. Or maybe I would've been really in SWV and Boyz II Men. Anyway, Liz Phair used to be good when she wasn't doing shitty pop songs that showed up in Mandy Moore movies (which I coincidentally love now).

Anti-First

I am a big fan of conspiracy theories, and the paranormal in general, (900s section of the Dewey Decimal system, where you no doubt picked up your Belzer book) but my most favorite of all revolves around British former soccer player and newscaster, David Icke, an anti-Semite and believer that the power players on this planet are in fact reptilian humanoids. Some of the lizard lotharios he names include George W. Bush, Queen Elizabeth II and Kris Kristofferson, whose power grabs in the highest offices of the land are apparently only known to other reputed Mermen and David Icke, himself. All in all, I am pretty sure that if reptilian humanoids do exist, David Icke is one of them, and is using the old "point the finger at others so suspicion regarding my lizard ways is abated." I have seen this trick used time and time again by other so-called cryptids. Remember that time Sasquatch told everyone that Ellen Page was a Bigfoot?

In non-paranormal news, I am finally becoming a permanent employee at my current place of mind-numbing heartache, and the paperwork I am filling out is equally mind-numbing. Why can't we just live in a society where you sign your X on a sheet of paper and you get to work? I saw it in action in The Patriot. Does nobody trust Mel Gibson's worldview anymore?

F1rSt!

FIRST!

LoLz, ROfL, roffle, etc., etc., etc.

As a first post, I feel that this should be legendary or significant in some way. No, it will not be/is not either of those. Introductions will be stored for later when I'm less lazy or Edscott decides to write something. I cannot offer you any clever/cheesy/shameless puns at this time.

Instead, I want to talk about this book that I got at the library. Richard Belzer, the legendary Detective Munch on Law & Order: SVU, wrote a book about what he knows best: conspiracy theories. UFOs, JFK and Elvis: Conspiracies You Don't Have to Be Crazy to Believe surprisingly fell into my hands today. I was searching for books on HTML code, since I want to be more web-savvy and possibly find a job that will pay more than an editorial assistant's meager salary. Instead, I found outdated How to Do HTML code books from 2000 with illustrations of Geocities and Angelfire webpages. As much as I would love to start an Geocities website, alas, I don't think people would pay for me for that. Coincidentally (or really un-coincidentally), next to web development on the shelves, were conspiracy theory and UFO books. It was almost as if God shined a light on me and Richard Belzer. It was fate. 

Now, I haven't started reading it, but already I'm assuming that this may be the best book ever written. Move aside Dianetics, make room for Munch! 

Here are some choice quotes from the front and back of the book:

"Richard Belzer is one of the funniest black men in America!" - Chris Rock (Chris Rock once played a president. And he's got street credit. So this quote is definitely LEGIT).

"Always a hotbed of sedition, Belzer comes at you like a handful of flung gravel..." - Bill Maher (Flung gravel? How about flung monkey dung, Bill Maher? Or flung geniusness?)

"Belzer is my biggest comedic influence. He is the Tigris and Euphrates of cool." - Dennis Miller (You know what else is cool? Detectives Stabler and Benson!)

In conclusion, I'm really excited to read this book because it looks great. I hope to learn about aliens, where I can find Elvis and why Oliver Stone hasn't come out with a good movie since Natural Born Killers.

I also hope this book addresses ghost writers. I would really like to be a ghost writer...Richard Belzer's ghost writer! 

P.S. He is the only person allowed to wear sunglasses inside. Fuck Bono.