I started a new "things" blog. You know, like cool things you can look at, maybe get or that make you say, "Ugh, why did she make me look at this? Why am I reading this? Why am I saying this out loud in my head?"

It's that sort of thing.

In the Land of a Thousand Malls

Fun With History!

Not unlike most patrons of the internet, I am a frequent visitor of the Internet Movie Database. In quiet deliberation and intense thought, I was debating about the B-movie Dennis Quaid qualities of Mark Harmon when I stumbled upon the page for Napoleon Bonaparte - the man, not the frequent character of film - and I was intrigued by the comments left for the nearly two-centuries-dead ruler.

Look at the treasure trove of information I just learned about a man on a website that devotes itself to telling me when to celebrate Alexis Bledel's birthday. For one, I learned that he was the Best Conqueror Ever. I also learned that he was behind the selling of the Louisiana territories to the United States. I also learned that close personal friends of the man like to call him Nappy Boney, that somebody had a dream about him, and that he had a birthday.

After this discovery, I decided to do some more populace-based history research. Next on my list was my favorite chin-strap: Abraham Lincoln.

Guess what? This dude could kick ass. Both George Washington (and apparently Ric Flair) were on this guy's list. Wrestling Champion? asks Blueangels. Well, I dare say he must have been. Greco-Roman and modern professional I bet. He practically invented mixed martial arts, my friends. Of course, the question of his sexuality is brought up. What true historic investigation would be complete without it? So was he gay? Yes, of course, opines NutMustard. I can't argue with that.

I ended my history lesson with a man who still roams the fabled druidic moors of merry-old-England! His Royal Highness Prince Charles I'm looking at you!

The first thing I see is that apparently, like Britney, this man should be left alone. The poor schlub is just misunderstood. Like Will Smith to his parents, Prince Charles is a mystery - a four-dimensional quandary. Speaking of the fourth dimension, many believe he aged poorly, and that something apparently happened between 1981 and 2005. Well, he had kids folks. No father can weather the advancing exhaustion and senility that children provide. Others are concerned that he may never be king, but do not fret, for he is Aire to the Throne. He will literally host eagles at his coronation and consort with parrots. Iago will be the education Czar under Charles' rule!

Iago will be Prince Charles' Dick Cheney. Watch that bum ticker, Iago.

Jim Carrey is the new Tom Cruise

The apocalypse must have occurred yesterday. Tom Cruise was on Today, acting like a crazy, but not calling Matt Lauer "glib." Shucks.



Then Jim Carrey is on Larry King talking abut how he's taking "vitamins" and won't take legitimate medication like Prozac. He even acknowledges that he's going down that Tom Cruise route. Ruh-oh.

Some transcript for ye folks:

KING: Didn't you suffer from depression?

CARREY: Yes, yes. I'm on a manic high right now. Can't you tell?

KING: How did you get through that to this?

CARREY: Well, that's another thing. You know at the risk of like opening up the whole Tom Cruise Prozac argument, you know, I don't disagree in many ways. I think Prozac and things like that are very valuable to people for short periods of time. But I believe if you're on them for an extended period of time, you never get to the problem. You never get to see what the problem is, because everything is just kind of OK. And so, you don't deal. And people deal when they get desperate.

KING: So how did you do it?

CARREY: I take supplements.

KING: Vitamins?

CARREY: Yes -- well, it's not -- well, it is vitamins. But it's also certain elements of the brain like Tyrocine (ph) and hydroxy tryptophan that they're treating depression with now. It is a natural substance that's in your brain. Instead of being a Serotonin inhibitor, which just uses the serotonin you have and Prozac and things like that -- it just uses the Serotonin you have and it doesn't allow it go back into the receptor. It metabolizes your serotonin after a while and you have to keep taking more and more to feel good.

This actually creates dopamine and creates serotonin. It's a wonderful thing. It's amazing. I'm going to talk a lot about it in the near future.

KING: You're going to write about it?

CARREY: Yes.


[Thanks, Jezebel]

Future Karaoke Partner

I better run into this kid in Seoul. When I do, we're definitely karaoking together. Then he can "ram it in my thighs" and "wrestle me around."

Tonight, I made posters for the silent auction taking place during the holiday party tomorrow. This is my favorite. It's an overnight stay at a Hilton (yes, luxury) in NJ. What would you do during an overnight stay for two in the middle of NJ? Jump on beds and go to the Short Hills Mall, DUH! Not bone, eat oysters and have rocks on your naked back.

I LOVE NINTENDO

Bowser + "Money For Nothin'" = Gold!

I LOVE ATARI

June 2009. 25 years of my life being awesome.

Visiting the Capitol Will Cause Time Travel

Last weekend, I visited D.C. for the first time. Much to my mother's dismay, I did not go to see the White House or the monuments. Instead, I visited the future. The future as seen through 1980's eyes.

This is what the future looks like:

The Metro was definitely inspired by Star Wars. In fact, I'm pretty sure George Lucas invented the D.C. Metro. Inside, the cars, like the Starspeeder 3000, you'll find the floors carpeted and a calm, cool and collected voice announcing the next stop.

D.C., more precisely Bowie, Maryland (where David Bowie is in fact the mayor), unveiled the wonders of Diane Horner and country line dancing. The fine art of country line dancing was created in 1990 with the advent of jean shorts layered upon biker shorts. One day, a young Diane Horner, wearing her jean and biker shorts, entered a saloon. The older bartender with a handlebar moustache handed her a pair of cowboy boots and said, "This is your lucky day. You are my new student." "New student in what?" Diane asked. He then walked over to his jukebox and out burst the sounds of Run DMC  and Billy Ray Cyrus. "Why, country hip hop dancing," he said. Upon those words, a band of brothers emerged from the saloon doors. This band would then become her backup dancers. Heidi, TJ, Susan and Jamie.

Thus this was born:

I don't know when I'll be back in D.C. again. Next time, I will make sure to bring my light saber and cowboy boots.

I have a new favorite website, Ulillillia City Software.

Hours of entertainment.

Join a boy on his travels through his life of video games and dreams. 

"I was otherwise very normal before I became 4 years old. When I was around 4 years old, I began playing video games with the Atari. Day in and day out often for 10+ hours a day (except school), I played the Atari and future console systems that came out. This severe addiction to video games led to at least half of my many mental problems."

Journey through his dream journal where he explains his hundreds of mud dreams (as seen below).

My life has changed thanks to this man.

He's made me reconsider showering thanks to the excerpt below.

"How often do you take showers? Once a day? Twice a day? Once every two days? How about 3 to 6 times a month? Lately, it's been just that. The reasons come down to these (in order of their impact with the worst on the top):

Serious waste of time. It takes me 45 minutes to process the task of taking a shower in full and that's with shortcuts. It takes me about 5 to 7 minutes to find and check my clothes, 25 to 35 minutes for the actual shower itself, and about 8 to 10 minutes to dry off. I then remain cold for about two hours after it so in effect, it actually takes 3 hours total. Why does it take 25 to 35 minutes for the actual shower rather than 10 to 15 minutes? For one, I have timed this and it is quite consistant so I know the 25-35 minutes value is correct. Because the temperature knobs are very touchy, it takes much longer to get the temperature set, about 3 to 5 minutes right there. Even moving the knob 1/32 of an inch causes a 3°F temperature difference at the good zone and I have to maneuver the knob to a precision on the order of 1/100 of an inch for anything reasonable and it takes a lot of effort to get it that fine. It takes me about 1 to 3 minutes to adjust to the water and get used to it. Then it's about 5 to 7 minutes for the shampoo (the full process - warming it up first (this doesn't apply during the winter) getting it out of the bottle, spreading it around and washing it off in full - I do one round at it but use quite a bit of shampoo to cover otherwise two rounds at once to speed things up). Then it's about 8 to 12 minutes of using the body wash (warming it up especially (this takes nearly twice as long as the shampoo does, a good 3 to 4 minutes), moving the shower curtains so that they don't get in the way (I use water as a paste to "glue" the sides of the tub, otherwise they get annoying and in the way adding to my time), spreading it around, then washing it off). Finally, I spend another 2 to 4 minutes rinsing off before turning off the water. Then it's about ten minutes to dry off. It actually faster to dry off without a towel than it is for me with one. The reason is that almost all towels are stained in some way and when this was going on, I noticed that 15 to 20 minutes went by to find a towel that wasn't stained. Without the towel, it takes about 10 minutes instead, yet another reduction. To help with this, I have other tricks up my sleeve for further reducing the time - squeezing the water from my hair then going top to bottom removing whatever I can. This otherwise reduces the time by about 40% of what it would normally take. I get dressed after that then spend two hours fighting to keep warm by the time I'm back to normal again. Then, quite often, my mind drifts off which quite often adds an additional 5 to 10 minutes to my shower time. This is something that's hard to prevent from doing and it occurs at any time, whether driving, using the forums, typing, working on my game, eating, watching TV, etc.. With doing this every day, the amount of "wasted time" really adds up - a whole days' worth (well, 22 1/2 hours as a grand total versus my current 3 3/4 hours per month). I can do a lot with 18 3/4 hours freed up. I can do two whole mountain ranges in my 2D game (and that's about an 1800x170 image on average). I could watch an additional 30-minute educational TV show each day with a bonus every 4th day. I could type up a story about three times longer than some of the longest stories on my website. I could update my website in my usual way with 3-weeks' worth of details (dreams and my blog mainly) and still have time to spare. That's a lot of time and it adds up.


When I need to go somewhere, my motive increases but rarely high enough to get just above neutral. With my parents complaining, it adds even more of an impact, enough to get it past neutral, adding about 4 times the impact (which turns 110 into about 220), but not as much when it comes to needing to go somewhere, even the simple grocery store. I once been without a single shower or bath for a whole month."

Paper Airplanes

Fasteners are an important aspect of manufacturing. I deal with nuts and bolts at work at least once a week. Either I'm using them to test out samples of Loctite - the anaerobically-curing wunder-material that keeps fasteners together - or I'm looking through binders of materials specifications, making sure each nut has the correct thread count, inner diameter, outer diameter, composition and finish. So it came a surprise to me today to discover that Boeing just hasn't been keeping their fasteners in check. This article from Wired unveils Boeing's failure to maintain the utmost of quality control while putting together their 787 Dreamliner jet. The project has been delayed multiple times already, and the fact that the technicians drilling holes in the fuselage aren't following proper deburring procedures is only going to delay it further, sending investors into a tizzy.

So what is going on here? Why are these commonplace design choices creating delays? I have been working in manufacturing for the better part of two years now, and I witness it in my day-to-day as well. I was actually fuming with anger just reading this article. I feel like the entire economic crisis could be explained by the fact that people just don't give a damn anymore. Unfortunately, I have to realize my own hypocrisy in judging others for their day-dreaming antics, as I am a stalwart culprit of lackadaisical do-nothingness. But I have dreams! And goals! Outside of my current life! I have valid excuses! Or not. So what was distracting the guys at Boeing? Well, I started imagining what the job was like the day they were drilling into the titanium structure of the Dreamliner prototype (by the way, who the hell names a plane a Dreamliner? Are they living in some kind of homoerotic Kubrick film?) So what was it like? What kind of conversation was going on between the guys working on the plane? I imagine it went something like this:

Technician1: Dude, we were running Karazhan last night and we wiped to a bunch of trash mobs. I'm so sick of my guild. Everyone's ten years old.
Technician2: Ugh, I wish I had the time to play WoW. My wife was watching VH1 and I totally got suckered into a Rock of Love marathon. I'm already on my third cup of coffee.
T1: Ha, that show is awful. You see that Nailin' Palin video I sent you yet?
T2: Oh, yeah, totally. The wife almost caught me busting a nut on my laptop.
T1: Ouch. Oh shit, watch those holes - 3/8ths, remember?
T2: Yeah, yeah. I got it. I think I'm gonna go to Wal-mart later and get the new AC/DC album.
T1: Shit yeah. It's off the chain, man. Did you DVR LOST last night?
T2: Yeah, Locke eats the alien embryo. It's kinda distur-
T1: SPOILER ALERT!!! C'mon, I don't want to hea-
T2: The fucking struts dude. I swear to God, Big Luke is gonna come down here and beat our asses.
T1: Ha, I'd like to see him try. He's only a level 35 Paladin.
T2: Noob.
T1: Totes.
T2: Ok, looks like we're good here. Just force the nuts tight 'cause these holes aren't perfect.
T1: Yeah, fuck it. Just like Tila Tequila.

American manufacturing crumbles under the weight of election-themed pornography and massively multiplayer online gaming. I shed tears of nonchalance. I'm a big proponent of both.

Re: Keep it Secret. Keep it Safe.

In response to awesome things, I made this cat video set to kitten-making music.

      

Keep it Secret. Keep it Safe.

Every time I feel antsy about the loads of work and travel these next two months will bring, I should just watch this. The final product is always an awesome thing to experience and take part in. And as a double-edged sword, 2nd year Pennsport has to march following these guys:

Just Let Me Be Your Fag Hag, Anderson Cooper

My love for Anderson Cooper only increases by the day. The fact that he enjoys Real Housewives of Atlanta as much as I do, well, that means we're meant to be.

New Study States Obvious: Teenagers Having Sex

This week, scientists emerged from their cavernous labs with a new study finding that teenagers that watch “sexy” TV are more likely to have sex. Aside from the question of which groups fund studies like this and the infamous Daily Targum study that showed spring break increases STIs, I wonder what is sexy to teenagers today. Frank Caliendo? Stuffed crust pizza?

I’m no scientist, but I’m pretty sure the following does increase the likeliness of a teeanger boning:

- The Jonas Brothers: Nothing screams sex like diabeetus. Wilford Brimley would know. Nick Jonas, unofficial spokesman for diabetes sufferers, increases the insulin dangerously high for many young girls. As many know, an increase in blood sugar, mean increases in boning. Just last week, Nick Jonas had casual encounter-type offers from over 10,000 girls, but don’t bother diabeetus sufferers – Nick’s wearing his abstinence ring. As for his two brothers, Kevin and Joe, they only mildly increase teens’ blood sugars. Sure, their voices and beats get the kids bumpin’ on the dance floor, but blood sugars remain somewhat consistent. It's all about Nick.

- Twilight: Since Shadow of a Vampire with dreamy Willem Dafoe, teenagers everywhere have pledged their virginity to vampires. In the Twilight series, a slew of teenage vampires flies and drinks blood in a dark and always-cloudy town. One of them falls in love with a human. These vampires, already hot thanks to their inability to tan, are even hotter upon discovery of their vegetarianism. Moody, pale vegetarians. Sounds like he’s from Williamsburg.

I haven’t read Twilight but NuttyMadam3575, my favorite YouTube celebrity, sums up why teenagers cream their pants when in the vicinity of a vampire.

    

- Fear Street: Teenagers love reading books. When I was in middle school, I read a lot of Fear Street. This is how I learned about making out in the backseats of cars and murderous twin sisters. Nowadays, when scouring the Young Adult section of the library, all the Fear Street books seem to be taken out. Thanks to titles like The Boy Next Door and Double Date, teenagers now know how to not only spot the town serial killer (usually driving a Pontiac Firebird or Camaro), but they also know how to get into his backseat and accidentally get to second base.

- New Kids on the Block: Whoa. NKOTB always had the right stuff. They had the right stuff when I was five and they have it again, now that I’m not five. Sure, when I was five, I was a fan of prepubescent Joey McIntyre. I could relate to him with the whole voice not having cracked yet. Now, teenagers love Donnie Wahlberg. It’s all about street credit with these kids, and who has more than the older brother of Marky Mark? Growing up on the tough streets of Boston, he learned how to create his own Molotov cocktails and curse during awards shows. He didn’t need to learn how to sing – he was born with the gift. Teenagers love badasses, they always have. Vampires, James Dean and now Donnie Wahlberg. Ladies Love the Wahlberg. What’s more exciting is that Donnie is a divorced daddy, a d.d. For the girl with no daddy growing up, a d.d. will help teach her how to love and do the “Hangin’ Tough” dance.

     

LoLz Thyme

The DaVinci Code Redux starring Tom Hanks and Tom Hanks, Jr. 

With a cameo by the Mona Lisa.

Directed by Tom Hanks, Sr.

[Thanks to Sarah for finding this gem]

Sucka MC Whaaa

Best rap-off ever - especially everything after 2:00.

JCVD Will Not Allow Stevie Seagal To Cut His Hair

The current financial crisis may all put us to tears (even though the market jumped back up 900 points yesterday then back down today), but at least Jean Claude Van Damme is lighting up the mood. JCVD, as we on the streets like to call him, is starring in his own mockudrama, JCVD. WWJCVDD? He would rob a bank because he lost a role to Stevie Seagal. Oh the mama-drama-dramamine!

It's a Dickie, Dick.

Croakies are so last summer. This fall the hottest fashion I have ever witnessed is going to make a comeback in a huge way. The dickie! Let's face it people - the recession is hitting us hard, and things are getting tough. Don't let your workplace steal the shirt off your back, just let them have your shirt - by investing heavily in that fashionable, cheap alternative.

Got sweaters, cardigans, t-shirts that need a little sprucing up? Just buy the adult bib - the DICKIE!

I'm seriously going to start wearing these. They are like 10 bucks a pop. Daddy needs to save some dough.


Randy Quaid Loves 'Em

So I'm trying to put together this documentary on online dating amongst recently post-college grads. The consensus is that online dating just isn't working for them. Whether it's sexymami69 getting scared and not replying back or pre-written messages along the lines of "U R Cute. eMail me for reasons y u should d8 me."

Videos should be up soon. Well as soon as I find a computer with Windows XP (since I was dumb enough to buy a camcorder that only loaded onto that).

I did find this great Craiglist ad tonight.

As I write, I'm doing my research on the apocalypse in order to defray this guy's rent.

Dour Hour

I finish up my lunch and head out to the car. I light a cigarette and come around the parking lot of the Wendy's, headed towards my haunt - the mid-day oasis for young moms and the jobless - the shopping center and its Wal-mart.

As I pass the pet store, the freshly-installed, plastic speed bumps slow me down and afford me a view of the denizens there. Mostly sloths and retirees. Old men with POW hats, bird-lovers - the worst - and other apparent haggard nobodies.

I'm the worst, though. Slowly driving past windows, staring at the people doing their thing, waiting to see some old broad with a nice rack or a fat ass. I slow down and wait for a woman to walk past with her baby carriage. As another car approaches I imagine it barreling past, knocking her down, sprawled out on the pavement.

I feel the need to judge others before they do the same to me. I hate who I am on my days off. But I'm not much better during the workaday week.

Mr. President, Have Pity on the Working Man

So according to this article, Stephen Colbert is still running for president - in the Marvel universe - at least, and has a good chance of being elected. I don't know how I feel about this. I always felt that most fictional presidents and leaders are hokey. The U.S. presidents resident in Marvel's past, as well as most displayed in the realm of comic books and film, are for the most part un-interesting, un-interested mirrors of their current real-world dopplegangers. I started thinking about some of my favorite fictional presidents/leaders, and also some of my most hated, instead of the standard, milque-toast, do-nothings.

Dick Nixon - President, Watchmen

Tricky Dick is more in the shadows than on the front page, his likeness only hinted at through the disconcerting graffiti littering the streets of Watchmen's New York. After killing the hell out of The Vietnam War, Dick's long-ass presidency (after abolishing the two-term limit) represents the neo-conservative values represented by the extremist characters populating the book. Perhaps I liked this portrayal of fictional leadership so much because there was only a hint of his leadership and decisions.

The Mayor - Ghostbusters, Ghostbusters II

A great leader who makes the right choices when necessary. He may need some pushing to do it, but he doesnt stall like so many other leaders would. When it comes down to it, he lets loose his rallying cry, "GET ME THE GHOSTBUSTERS!" His lackeys are the ones responsible for the mistakes made in arresting or holding up the Ghostbusters from getting work done, whether it be the EPA's Walter Wick, or the mayor's personal lackey in the sequel. As a foil for our universe's W., his advisors are the bumbling idiots - not the man himself.

Tim Robbins - President, Austin Powers II

Tim Robbins would never be elected president. The reason? Smarm. The guy is so smarmy it even oozes out of his paramour, Susan Sarandon's ears. He's so smarmy, jelly companies hatch plots to bottle the stuff. He lays it on much too thick when he laughs in the face of Evil.

Bonus Inanity - Robbins also plays puppet president, Norville Barnes, of Hudsucker Industries in the under-appreciated Hudsucker Proxy. Either way, he plays moronic, hubris-filled presidents, who would be out of luck if it weren't for British mystery men or magical janitors.

Geena Davis - President, That Show Where She Was President

I never even watched the show, but whatever alternate earth American population voted her into office must have been the most brain-dead populace since the civilians of Idiocracy. Who would think a snobby, goofy, fly/alien-loving psychopath could be president. She's unfortunately a step up from a moose-dressing, aerial wolf-hunting vp candidate we all know and love in this universe.

Dr. Zaius - Senate Counsellor - Planet of the Apes

Terrible. He represents all that is oppressive and evil in leadership. Close-minded, panicky, an ape. The list goes on. When Dr. Zaius accompanies Taylor to an unearthed cave within which are found human dolls, he scoffs and suggests that the dolls are merely ape toys. Even in the face of pure fact - would apes make a
doll....THAT TALKS!? - he reasons within his own worldview. If only we could blame apes today for global warming.


I was going to list some more, but I figured I'd let some commenters give their ideas. (I was going to mention President Camacho from Idiocracy but it would have been too easy. So what do you guys think? Any fictional leaders more inspiring than Morgan Freeman in Deep Impact?

And Now, Fun with Wikipedia.

Andrew Ridgely, (the other guy from WHAM!) was given the nickname "Osama bin Laden" by his golfing friends.

I guess he looks like Osama bin Laden? I don't really get it.

David Duchovny. Teacher. Lover. Porn Addict.

This week we had our "summer bbq" at work. I watched on in silence, conversing only with my boss and one co-worker from the lab. I just feel so out of place there. I don't know if it's the fact that I hate everyone or that I am stranger than everyone there. I just don't feel like I fit in. The standard boys' club that exists at companies like this will never be my home. I did win a Chili's gift card. American industry has succeeded.

I am finally caught up with Californication. I enjoy the show, it's kind of a mindless entertainment most of the time, except for the fact that the last episode taught me about the ass-licker, the third wheel of the pornographic menage a trois. Other than originally conjuring up the image of the Licker from Resident Evil 2 and the nightmares my high school self used to have of that image, it reminded me a lot of the geek, the nerd, the Baxter. It actually was kind of heart-warming to imagine that even porn stars can feel out of place when they don't have the pleasure of being the leading dick-taker.

Of Nuculear Weapons and Joey B.

What I hoped would be a train wreck, instead turned out to be dull VP debate with only a few intermittent gems (i.e. Gwen Ifill and her coat). Edscott (in white) and I (in yellow) aim'd (or whatever you kids call it nowadays) the Biden/Palin non-showdown for your amusement:

Bad Photoshoppin' with People Magazine!

Ugh. Finally. I can sleep easily now.

You know what will help this failing economy?

Tim and Eric!

Here's a really great interview featuring my favorite Beaver Boys and my favorite skit below.

Also, on a completely different note, I need your help. Currently, I'm trying to put together a documentary about online dating. This means that I need subjects. Right now, I have two, but I need more. I'll pay for one month's subscription to your choice of dating site if I can film/interview you at least once a week. Bonus points if you're gay. E-mail me if you're interested.

WWJCVDD? Probably Listen to This Song in His SUV

I try to keep in touch with my friends.

Special Delivery via Gootmail

I finally received a copy of the Steve Guttenberg interview from the Oct. 1986 issue of Playgirl.

It is with great pleasure that I share this gem with you.

First Page

Second Page

Third Page

Fourth Page

Note: Since I don't have a scanner at home and I've received complaints about the size of the article, I'll re-scan tomorrow. But for Safari users - all 4 of us - you can use the handy magnifying glass to read the article!

Gossip LoLz Grl

Some are Gossip Girl related. Others not so much. A note about the rape kitchen photo. For those who don't watch GG, otherwise known as one of the best shows on TV, Chuck Bass tries raping Serena in the kitchen. Hence rape kichun. *Tada*

Next week, I'll post some Adventures in Craigslisting and Things on My Bucket List. I found a mole on my abdomen and it's been there for the longest time. Thing is, it just recently started getting bigger and looking kind of like a penis. Got me to thinking: What if it was cancerous and what if I, like Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson, had a few days to live. Still working out the final details of my own bucket list.

I'm working on some Gossip Girl LoLz pictures (which should be up soon). But before I finish that, listen to our podcast, Blackout Breakfast, on hearnewbrunswick.com. You don't need to sign up for an account to listen. I suggest listening to August 23's or August 30's (even though I wasn't on).

60 Nations Contribute!

Science & Hip-Hop Co-existing. Light's dual nature of existing as particle and wave couldn't better be analogized than by the combination of hard research and goofy rap.

Fall Madness - can I make it out alive?

This fall marks another great season for videogame releases. Last fall was pretty intense with the releases of BioShock, (can August count?) Halo 3, Rock Band, Orange Box, Skate, Call of Duty 4, and countless others. I nearly broke the bank last year with my collection, but owning two consoles and two handheld systems will do that to you. Without further ado, I present my list of most-wanted games - basically a wish-list of what I wish I could afford or have the time to give their due play-time.

10. GEARS OF WAR 2 (XBOX 360)

I am not the hugest fan of Gears of War and its now-generic gameplay, but everyone who owns a 360 will own Gears 2, and gaming most definitely follows that old bridge-jumping adage. At least when multi-player is concerned.

9. LEFT 4 DEAD (XBOX 360)

Zombies and video games go bloody hand in bloody hand. They are like a gruesome Romeo and Juliet in adolescent (and matured) minds. I loved Team Fortress 2, (though I took too long to get into it) and this game by TF2 developer, Valve, shouldn't disappoint. I plan to jump right into this game around release time in hopes of catching up with large portions of gamers who have gut-spewing teamwork as their goal.

8. SAM & MAX: SEASON ONE (Wii)

Nostalgia plays its heavy hand on this one, as I recall my youth on the family's first PC, playing the original LucasArts adventure games. Day of the Tentacle and Indiana Jones & The Fate of Atlantis were quickly surpassed in my heart by these two freelance police, who are the equivalent of the Odd Couple in the bodies of a talking dog and an insane lagomorph. Though developed by Tell-tale Games, and only a re-release of their episodic content for the PC, I look forward to finally getting to play this in a living room where snacks and friends abound.

7. ROCK BAND 2 (XBOX 360)

Who doesn't want more Rock Band? The Bosstones have a song in this game, which really makes me hope for some more ska tracks as downloadable content, and maybe the eventual Ska Hero. Although I am sure I would finally get to look down on people when viewing aspiring musicians playing plastic saxophones, much like guitar players scoff at those wailing on their polyethylene fret-boards.

6. SILENT HILL: HOMECOMING (XBOX 360)

One of my favorite series of games is in its fifth iteration. Unfortunately, Konami handed development duties over to The Collective, an American developer with little past work. Some of the early opinions of the game are negative, but perhaps uncalled for. The series excels in its surreal in-game horror, and only in one of the games, (Silent Hill 2) did story exceed that axiom. I am hopeful that The Collective won't disappoint and the newly introduced combat-oriented gameplay will succeed at making the game more intuitive and perhaps help the scares hit like they haven't before.

5. GHOSTBUSTERS: THE VIDEO GAME (XBOX 360)

It's fucking Ghostbusters. Enough said.

4. MIRROR'S EDGE (XBOX 360)

So a game focused on the fatal footwork of parkour could be horrible or brilliant. There is no middle ground here, at least not in my mind. I hope that the combat actually works, but I may be too busy paying attention to the exhilarating environments. The piercing white skyline with lines of color is going to at least look amazing, if not play so.

3. DEAD SPACE (XBOX 360)

If Silent Hill: Homecoming fails me, I still have this possible gem from EA for which to look forward. A game combining the horrors of past survival action games with the cinematic likenesses of Sunshine, Event Horizon and Aliens will be hard-pressed to fail on all cylinders, at least for me. I really look forward to this, especially with the news that comic writer, Warren Ellis, is behind at least part of the story of the game. Positive reviews of the gameplay in demo versions of the game also reinvigorate my need to grab this game day one.

2. DRAGON QUEST IV (NINTENDO DS)

Dragon Warrior IV was one of the first games I begged my parents to get me for the original NES. I spent a year playing that game, overcoming the difficulties of the tradition jRPG and coming to terms with my third grade knowledge and gaming abilities. I had reached the final boss when my brother eventually deleted my game save in a terrible accident that left me heartbroken. The NES broke shortly thereafter and I was never able to convince myself to beat the game in emulation on PC. Its appearance on the DS could almost bring a tear to my eye. I will finally finish a journey I began at the age of 11. So much for not finishing what I start, huh, Mom and Dad!?

1. FABLE II (XBOX 360)

Fable. Ahhhh, Fable. I played the original Fable on my roommate's XBOX in college and I enjoyed the heck out of it. Fortunately, not being an XBOX gamer back then, I missed out on most of the pomposity Peter Molyneux put behind the game when touting it as the largest and best RPG ever made. A tight little RPG it was, though. Both funny and touching, and not overly complex, never simple; the game took on a life of its own. Watching Peter Molyneux retread the same hubris he displayed those years ago for the sequel just makes me laugh - I know that no matter how it comes out, I am going to enjoy the little things in the game that make me laugh, and make me love gaming.

That's the list. It's daunting, for sure, and many more games are on my radar for the fall. Some of those include the remake of Chrono Trigger, Fallout 3, Banjo Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts, De Blob, Wario Land and Animal Crossing. I have a tough fall ahead, and hopefully this list will keep me on track with some less spending than in previous gaming onslaughts. If nothing else, you all have a good idea list for me for the upcoming Gifting Events.

Snapshots of the Midwest

My friend Sarah just took a road trip through the Midwest. She put up some pictures up on Facebook, and because they're so great, I'm going to share some with you. The comments are all her own, by the way.

Now some photos from Roswell and the UFO museum:

What I have learned through these and other photos is that the Midwest, just as I thought, is still creepy, racist and sad.

Nevertheless, I want to take a road trip soon. I may just use money Playgirl is giving me to fund this adventure.