Fun With History!

Not unlike most patrons of the internet, I am a frequent visitor of the Internet Movie Database. In quiet deliberation and intense thought, I was debating about the B-movie Dennis Quaid qualities of Mark Harmon when I stumbled upon the page for Napoleon Bonaparte - the man, not the frequent character of film - and I was intrigued by the comments left for the nearly two-centuries-dead ruler.

Look at the treasure trove of information I just learned about a man on a website that devotes itself to telling me when to celebrate Alexis Bledel's birthday. For one, I learned that he was the Best Conqueror Ever. I also learned that he was behind the selling of the Louisiana territories to the United States. I also learned that close personal friends of the man like to call him Nappy Boney, that somebody had a dream about him, and that he had a birthday.

After this discovery, I decided to do some more populace-based history research. Next on my list was my favorite chin-strap: Abraham Lincoln.

Guess what? This dude could kick ass. Both George Washington (and apparently Ric Flair) were on this guy's list. Wrestling Champion? asks Blueangels. Well, I dare say he must have been. Greco-Roman and modern professional I bet. He practically invented mixed martial arts, my friends. Of course, the question of his sexuality is brought up. What true historic investigation would be complete without it? So was he gay? Yes, of course, opines NutMustard. I can't argue with that.

I ended my history lesson with a man who still roams the fabled druidic moors of merry-old-England! His Royal Highness Prince Charles I'm looking at you!

The first thing I see is that apparently, like Britney, this man should be left alone. The poor schlub is just misunderstood. Like Will Smith to his parents, Prince Charles is a mystery - a four-dimensional quandary. Speaking of the fourth dimension, many believe he aged poorly, and that something apparently happened between 1981 and 2005. Well, he had kids folks. No father can weather the advancing exhaustion and senility that children provide. Others are concerned that he may never be king, but do not fret, for he is Aire to the Throne. He will literally host eagles at his coronation and consort with parrots. Iago will be the education Czar under Charles' rule!

Iago will be Prince Charles' Dick Cheney. Watch that bum ticker, Iago.