F1rSt!

FIRST!

LoLz, ROfL, roffle, etc., etc., etc.

As a first post, I feel that this should be legendary or significant in some way. No, it will not be/is not either of those. Introductions will be stored for later when I'm less lazy or Edscott decides to write something. I cannot offer you any clever/cheesy/shameless puns at this time.

Instead, I want to talk about this book that I got at the library. Richard Belzer, the legendary Detective Munch on Law & Order: SVU, wrote a book about what he knows best: conspiracy theories. UFOs, JFK and Elvis: Conspiracies You Don't Have to Be Crazy to Believe surprisingly fell into my hands today. I was searching for books on HTML code, since I want to be more web-savvy and possibly find a job that will pay more than an editorial assistant's meager salary. Instead, I found outdated How to Do HTML code books from 2000 with illustrations of Geocities and Angelfire webpages. As much as I would love to start an Geocities website, alas, I don't think people would pay for me for that. Coincidentally (or really un-coincidentally), next to web development on the shelves, were conspiracy theory and UFO books. It was almost as if God shined a light on me and Richard Belzer. It was fate. 

Now, I haven't started reading it, but already I'm assuming that this may be the best book ever written. Move aside Dianetics, make room for Munch! 

Here are some choice quotes from the front and back of the book:

"Richard Belzer is one of the funniest black men in America!" - Chris Rock (Chris Rock once played a president. And he's got street credit. So this quote is definitely LEGIT).

"Always a hotbed of sedition, Belzer comes at you like a handful of flung gravel..." - Bill Maher (Flung gravel? How about flung monkey dung, Bill Maher? Or flung geniusness?)

"Belzer is my biggest comedic influence. He is the Tigris and Euphrates of cool." - Dennis Miller (You know what else is cool? Detectives Stabler and Benson!)

In conclusion, I'm really excited to read this book because it looks great. I hope to learn about aliens, where I can find Elvis and why Oliver Stone hasn't come out with a good movie since Natural Born Killers.

I also hope this book addresses ghost writers. I would really like to be a ghost writer...Richard Belzer's ghost writer! 

P.S. He is the only person allowed to wear sunglasses inside. Fuck Bono.